Saturday, June 3, 2017

leaving my "patria amada"

today i leave the country i call home to a strange land that outsiders refer to as my homeland. yesterday we left our beloved house along the banks of the amazon and said goodbye to all of our friends.
this past week i have had extremely mixed feelings about our year-long furlough. i am excited to visit new places, make more friends, see my sister again, shop for clothes and books, and drink plenty of starbucks. yet then again, i am absolutely terrified. how will i be able to live in the american society? i already freak every time i have to talk to someone i do not know. if i hate it, i cannot return. also, how will i be able to be away from all of my friends for a whole year? a thousand more thoughts, joys, and fears have crossed my mind this first week of summer.
but i know this: no matter what, my Redeemer, Saviour, and Friend will be with me through all my trials and difficulties this year. i may be leaving my patria amada, but the One i love most in this world will stay by my side.

Thursday, December 15, 2016


closing the book the young girl slipped out of the bed now ready to face reality.
she never understood how, but the fairy tales she read provided light to her dull life.
the tales made it capable to face the shallow and misunderstanding people in her life.
reading those fantasies made her feel like her life held purpose.
the words that formed into stories showed that love still existed.
the characters woven into the plot let her believe that heroes were out there.

however, on some days the fantasies were simply not capable of providing sufficient coverage from the darkness; 
instead, her story-filled books made her reality even grayer.
the truth and loyalty between good friends in the tales showed her that she had no one to confide in.
the "happy ever afters" made her feel like her life could never change for the better.
the beautifully printed words gave her no joy. 
on those days she believed that only villains existed.
fairy tales saved her from reality, yet at the same time reality kept her from fantasy.

Friday, November 25, 2016


"as a child I felt myself to be alone, and i am still, because i know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know. loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain values which others find inadmissible." -carl jung

these words are so accurate and true, and yet i have no words to explain why, not even simple ones.

Thursday, November 3, 2016

what do i do?

what do i do?
i call you my friend, but are you really? 
we never seem to come to agreement.
every time i speak you slam me.
whenever i ask you something your response makes my heart hurt. 
would it really make a difference to you if i was not in your life?
i feel like every time i ask you how you truly are, you just say fine.
how can someone so shallow be my friend?
how come even though i have known you longer than any friend here you are the least closest to me? 
have i ever done anything to cause our relationship to rip?
they say opposites attract...but that is definitely not true for us.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

the shooting star

walking home from her weekly class meeting, she gazed up toward the sky. through the power lines she saw the most extraordinary shooting star zip across the night sky. the star was enormous and blazing orange. she felt like she could have reached out and almost touched it. the day had been depressing, but that one glimpse of the shooting star turned her whole day around.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

"i wanted to save you"

we were simply playing a game. she would jump off the rock and begin flouting down the swift current. i would be sitting on the rocks submerged in water. when she came my way, i would quickly pull her in. there was no danger in this- until my little sister jumped out too far. the moment she did i pushed off the rock to help her come in. we began flowing down the roaring current. when we neared a rock jutting out of the water i shoved her as close to the rock as possible, so she could grab onto it. when i did this it caused me to be pushed back farther into the current. i was nearing the place where it would be nearly impossible to return; however, i was fine. i knew how to swim well, and more importantly, knew how to get out of the dangerous rapids. when i glanced back at my sister to see if she had made it safely to the rock, i saw that she was swimming towards me. i began yelling at her to swim to the rock. but she kept on coming to me with her hand held out, yelling, "olivia, olivia!" a friend on the rock was able to grab her to keep her from being swept into the current.

when we finally were both safe on the rocks, i asked her why she came after me when she was supposed to be swimming towards the rocks and safety. she replied, "because i wanted to save you." this nearly broke my heart in two. my little sister, who had to use a life jacket when swimming at the rapids, tried to save me. when we were in a dangerous situation, instead of saving herself she tried saving me.yes, i was really in no great danger because i knew the hack of swimming at the rapid rocks. but of coarse, in the eyes of a four year old everything always seems scarier. she plunged into what she thought was danger to save her older sister. i thank you so very much, makenna grace.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

her secret acquaintance

in the shadows of the day, loneliness crept in.
she could feel him lurking in her bedroom at night.

even in the happy moments of her life,
he never completely left. 

she was the only one who could see him.
to others, loneliness had no acquaintance with her.

when looked at, she would appear to be a girl without shadows.
however, he simply hid himself behind the facade of her smile.

and of course she had no one to tell about her secret acquaintance
because if she did there would be no reason for him to stay.