Thursday, December 15, 2016


closing the book the young girl slipped out of the bed now ready to face reality.
she never understood how, but the fairy tales she read provided light to her dull life.
the tales made it capable to face the shallow and misunderstanding people in her life.
reading those fantasies made her feel like her life held purpose.
the words that formed into stories showed that love still existed.
the characters woven into the plot let her believe that heroes were out there.

however, on some days the fantasies were simply not capable of providing sufficient coverage from the darkness; 
instead, her story-filled books made her reality even grayer.
the truth and loyalty between good friends in the tales showed her that she had no one to confide in.
the "happy ever afters" made her feel like her life could never change for the better.
the beautifully printed words gave her no joy. 
on those days she believed that only villains existed.
fairy tales saved her from reality, yet at the same time reality kept her from fantasy.

Friday, November 25, 2016


"as a child I felt myself to be alone, and i am still, because i know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know. loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain values which others find inadmissible." -carl jung

these words are so accurate and true, and yet i have no words to explain why, not even simple ones.

Thursday, November 3, 2016

what do i do?

what do i do?
i call you my friend, but are you really? 
we never seem to come to agreement.
every time i speak you slam me.
whenever i ask you something your response makes my heart hurt. 
would it really make a difference to you if i was not in your life?
i feel like every time i ask you how you truly are, you just say fine.
how can someone so shallow be my friend?
how come even though i have known you longer than any friend here you are the least closest to me? 
have i ever done anything to cause our relationship to rip?
they say opposites attract...but that is definitely not true for us.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

the shooting star

walking home from her weekly class meeting, she gazed up toward the sky. through the power lines she saw the most extraordinary shooting star zip across the night sky. the star was enormous and blazing orange. she felt like she could have reached out and almost touched it. the day had been depressing, but that one glimpse of the shooting star turned her whole day around.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

"i wanted to save you"

we were simply playing a game. she would jump off the rock and begin flouting down the swift current. i would be sitting on the rocks submerged in water. when she came my way, i would quickly pull her in. there was no danger in this- until my little sister jumped out too far. the moment she did i pushed off the rock to help her come in. we began flowing down the roaring current. when we neared a rock jutting out of the water i shoved her as close to the rock as possible, so she could grab onto it. when i did this it caused me to be pushed back farther into the current. i was nearing the place where it would be nearly impossible to return; however, i was fine. i knew how to swim well, and more importantly, knew how to get out of the dangerous rapids. when i glanced back at my sister to see if she had made it safely to the rock, i saw that she was swimming towards me. i began yelling at her to swim to the rock. but she kept on coming to me with her hand held out, yelling, "olivia, olivia!" a friend on the rock was able to grab her to keep her from being swept into the current.

when we finally were both safe on the rocks, i asked her why she came after me when she was supposed to be swimming towards the rocks and safety. she replied, "because i wanted to save you." this nearly broke my heart in two. my little sister, who had to use a life jacket when swimming at the rapids, tried to save me. when we were in a dangerous situation, instead of saving herself she tried saving me.yes, i was really in no great danger because i knew the hack of swimming at the rapid rocks. but of coarse, in the eyes of a four year old everything always seems scarier. she plunged into what she thought was danger to save her older sister. i thank you so very much, makenna grace.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

her secret acquaintance

in the shadows of the day, loneliness crept in.
she could feel him lurking in her bedroom at night.

even in the happy moments of her life,
he never completely left. 

she was the only one who could see him.
to others, loneliness had no acquaintance with her.

when looked at, she would appear to be a girl without shadows.
however, he simply hid himself behind the facade of her smile.

and of course she had no one to tell about her secret acquaintance
because if she did there would be no reason for him to stay.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

who knew?

thinking back to my childhood years, i wonder if i could have ever prevented what happened to me. what if i had done something different…would it have prevented this constant loneliness? would i happen to have a life out of school? could i have ever been more motivated? could i have had friends to lean on? who knew that i would ever become like this…so lonely and broken? what if i had lived differently, would i be a better person today?

Sunday, July 3, 2016

this summer

i have always wanted to work in an unreached tribe when i grow older,
and this summer i was able to experience tribal life for the first time.
we spent a week at the mission house in boa vista helping out
and two weeks among the yanomami.
i have learned so much this summer
and i wouldn't trade my experience for anything.

 (taken by karina jansma)

(taken by karina jansma)

 (taken by karina jansma)

(taken by karina jansma) 

 (taken by karina jansma)


 (taken by karina jansma)

(taken by phil jansma) 


Tuesday, June 7, 2016

brick walls

this year has been a tough one.
my oldest sister left to college,
never-ending friend trouble,
endless piles of homework and annoying teachers,
bringing huge amounts of stress,
and numerous other things.
i know that as you think about it, these problems aren't all that big.
but something i realized this year is that each problem i face i build a brick wall to allow me to handle life and to keep my soul from spilling out.
often times i do this without thinking.
if a friend says something mean to me in school, i construct a wall to keep from breaking down in front of everyone.
each time i get hurt, i add another wall to my fortress,
and by the end of the year my soul is surrounded by brick walls,
which block out the thoughts, creativity, love, kindness, happiness, eagerness, and passion.
something else i realized is that summer is more than just a break from school.
not only do i catch up on my sleep and the things i wish to do,
but i have the chance to remove the multitude of walls protecting my soul.
i know it will be difficult and that i won't be able to remove them all...
but i am going to try anyways.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016


why didn't you tell me? asked the girl. her voice held the pain she felt. she began to believe she was unimportant, unloved, and forgotten. she felt alone and rejected. to her it seemed she was the only one without someone to lean on and confide in. then the girl remembered the loving God who created her. the One who would never abandon her would always be her friend. she was thankful for their friendship.  

Tuesday, April 26, 2016


(photo taken by Jessica Jansma)

Some are grateful for books or school's end;
I am thankful for family and friends. 
Some doubt a friend's love stays forever;
But friendship is a precious treasure. 

A friend adds joyful times to our lives
and is there when hard trouble arise.
Whenever you need a listening ear,
You can rely on them to be near.

Even when hardships occur, don't worry.
Your friendship doesn't have to turn blurry.
So, please don't give up on your friendship
Because life is only a short blip.

eighteen more days until my best friend comes down to brasil for a visit!

Monday, April 25, 2016

an inspiration

"and people who do not know the Lord ask why in the world we waste our lives as missionaries. they forget that they too are expending their lives... and when the bubble has burst they will have nothing of eternal significance to show for the years they have wasted." -nate saint


Sunday, April 17, 2016

a night not soon forgotten

lying in my hammock, i treasured the moment, not wanting the night to end. 
memorizing the sound of the frogs croaking and the the crickets chirping...feeling the sway of my hammock as I lay bundled up in my blanket...knowing my friend below me was finding a comfortable position in her hammock...hearing familiar voices in the distance which would be a topic of conversation the following day... going over all that happened  so the camping trip would be ingrained in my brain and would never be forgotten...wanting to stay awake so the day wouldn't have to end...thanking my precious and wondrous God for nature and the life I grew up in...i drifted off to sleep.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

jungle rain

there is something about jungle rain that is so perfect. maybe it is the way it falls lightly on your head as you climb under the branches or the way all the leaves glisten with fresh rain drops. the sunlight shining on the falling water gives a beauty above all else.  the movement of trees caused from the cold wind above intrigues me. even the damp leaves under my feet that few have trodden on hold untold beauty. the smell of rain and green plants is great. the best  part though is how the wet jungle shows the power and creativity of the one true God. my God. when i walk through the jungle rain i feel at peace knowing that my Creator is nearby and will never leave me. after a stressful day at school, i can walk under those huge trees that have been growing for years and suddenly all my problems and trials seem small and unimportant.
however, sometimes that jungle rain turns into a storm. The thunder rumbling and lightening cracking makes me want to roll up in a tight ball and hide away like all the spiders, lizards, and snakes on the jungle floor. watching the lightening destroy the foliage makes me feel vulnerable and helpless. the wind tearing the trees down just like Hitler tearing down the Jews intensifies the agony. the storm seems to drag on for so long; however, it always ends.

none to soon the rumbling fades and the bright flashes are spaced wider apart. soon all i see is the destruction the storm left behind. but when i go back to the jungle next time that destruction will be gone, turned into natural beauty.

the jungle is so like my life. when a light rain comes it seems like nothing could ever go wrong and i have everything under-control. i can see all the beauty in this world and my Heavenly Father appears close. though because of sin there has to be those times were the world appears upside down. day after day is terrible. homework is thrust upon us like never before bringing loads of stress. Then i just want to shrink up in my bed and have everything be all right. thankfully those times always come to an end. my life is a cycle. a never ending wheel of good times and bad.